


Never Change What's Been and Gone

by patientalien



Series: Memories [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-31
Updated: 2011-12-31
Packaged: 2017-10-28 13:40:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/308436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patientalien/pseuds/patientalien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>RotS AU, Padme sees Anakin slipping away and decides to take matters into her own hands.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Change What's Been and Gone

**Author's Note:**

> written for the "disappearing" prompt on my hc_bingo card. Thanks to blaaksable for the idea. I don't feel like I did it justice. Sequel to all the things that never were. Title from "Stop Crying Your Heart out" by Oasis

Anakin's deployed to the Outer Rim when Padme gets the test results back. She is in turns elated and terrified, and spends several sleepless nights trying to decide what she is going to do. She wants a family. She wants to keep their secret. She does not want to terminate the pregnancy, but she does not want to have to make Anakin choose.

She decides to keep the baby, and let the chips fall where they may.

88888

The Holonet news hints that Anakin has been killed in action. Padme turns it off, and turns to her work; she can't bear the thought of him not returning home.

88888

The Chancellor is captured by Grievous, and there is panic. Coruscant has never experienced an attack like this before, and no one knows what to do. Padme does not know what to do. She tries to remain calm, tries to carry on. She hears rumors that a Jedi team is being recalled from the Outer Rim to rescue Palpatine, and she can't dare hope. She watches from her balcony as the battle unfolds in the upper atmosphere, and then she gets a message. Count Dooku is dead. Palpatine has been rescued. Anakin Skywalker is coming home.

88888

Anakin claims to be happy with her news, but she can see the panic in his eyes. She wishes she could mention Ahsoka, how good he was with her. She can't, though; he has no memory of her. Obi-Wan had explained to her what had happened, claimed it was because he knew she and Anakin were close and he didn't want there to be any additional strain on Anakin's mental health. "Do not mention her," he had implored, "whatever you do. As far as Anakin is concerned, Ahsoka never existed."

It had pained her to agree; Ahsoka had been her friend as well. But Anakin is her priority, so she stays her tongue.

88888

She wakes and realizes Anakin is no longer beside her. She ventures out to the veranda, asks what's wrong. He hedges, and she presses. He is dreaming of death again, and Padme tries to reassure him. She cannot imagine dying in childbirth, not on Coruscant. Not on Naboo, either, honestly. She rubs his arm and watches the sun rise.

88888

Anakin stops sleeping. Oh, he lies in bed beside her, pretends to fall asleep, but she knows he is not. She can see it in the deep shadowing beneath his eyes, the moodiness. He refuses to seek help from Obi-Wan, refuses to talk to anyone but her. He is even, she realizes, beginning to distance himself from her as well. It hurts to watch him stalk around their apartment, grieving something that hasn't happened yet.

88888

He begins to grow paranoid, accusing her of conspiring against him (Like everyone else, he had snarled), against the Republic, against Palpatine. He is quick to anger, quicker to despair. She never knows which Anakin she is going to be talking to. When the question comes up of a Jedi she trusts implicitly, Anakin does not even cross her mind. It hurts, knowing that.

88888

His clothes hang off him; he looks sick, like he's being eaten from the inside by some unspeakable horror. She tries to get him to talk to her, but all he can do his shake his head and repeat his vow to keep his dreams from coming true. "I've found a way to save you," he breathes, and her blood runs cold.

88888

She invites Obi-Wan into her home. Her decision, she knows, will change everything, and may cause more trouble for them both. But she trusts Obi-Wan, knows he is seeing the changes as clearly as she is. "Thank you for coming," she says, and closes the door.

88888

Obi-Wan is hurt by her admission, but he schools his features into passivity. "This course of action," he says carefully, "will need to be approved by the Council." He ducks his head. "You know what that might mean."

She nods. She has accepted the possible consequences. And even if Anakin is punished for his indiscretions, at least he will no longer look like the living dead. At least the dread she feels whenever she thinks about the future will be quelled. "It will save his life," she says softly. She can't help think it might save hers, as well.

88888

Obi-Wan comm's her the next day. He tells her the Council has agreed, unanimously. There will be no punishment, because there will be nothing to punish. A clean slate in those terms, and the galaxy will be safe.

Anakin comes to her that night, and she wraps herself around him despite his moodiness. He does not recognize that she is saying goodbye.

88888

When Palpatine is unveiled as the Sith Lord, and it is announced that Anakin Skywalker is the hero to free the Republic, she breathes out a sigh of relief, then trembles as she realizes this is a victory she cannot share with him.

88888

Bail Organa is elected Chancellor. Though nominated, Padme accepts, instead, vice-chancellorship. She has a family to consider, now, and single motherhood will take up much of her time.

Luke and Leia are everyday reminders of what has been lost. She loves them with everything she has, and though she does not regret her decision, exactly, she still cries as she feeds them. They will never know their father as anything more than a name on the Holonet, a stranger.

88888

As the twins grow, she shifts between following Anakin's progress with the Jedi (he takes another apprentice, is elected to the Council as a full Master), and trying to push all thoughts of him from her mind. When the person you're trying to avoid thinking about is plastered all over the holonet, though, it is difficult. She considers cancelling the service, then decides she is being ridiculous. She is an adult, this was her choice, and she needs to adjust. It doesn't make her bed any less lonely.

88888

He looks just as she remembers him, tall and broad-shouldered, unruly curls fanning his face. "M'lady," he greets with a bow, and turns his radiant smile to her children. They hide behind her skirts, unsure of this stranger. "May we speak in private?"

Her heart leaps, wonders if he remembers. But he remains politely detached, even when Padme has ushered the twins out of the room with Dorme. "Your children have been identified as being very strong in the Force," he tells her. "And the Council would like to extend the offer to train them as Jedi."

Padme feels something within her slam shut. She has never even considered this may be something that would come up, she had assumed Obi-Wan would have prevented such a thing from happening. "I..." she stammers. Would she have her children endure the same kinds of hardships their father had. "I apologize, Master Skywalker," she says, finally, "but I cannot allow that."

Anakin looks almost disappointed. "I see," he replies, stands. "Thank you for your time." He bows again, heads towards the door. Pauses on the threshold. "May I ask, m'lady? Who is their father?"

Padme hardens her features, and her mind. "There is no father," she replies, and tries not to think about Anakin's stricken expression as the door slides shut between them.


End file.
